11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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