i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
