If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
