Yo dont text me then not text me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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