i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
