Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Someone came in the potted fern
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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