Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
