I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
