suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
