I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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