I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
