i was born a porn star she said
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
