Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
