Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
