My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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