We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
