I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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