I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
time to smoke my breakfast
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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