If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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