I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
