Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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