She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
