You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
