she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
