Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
did i just pee glitter
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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