My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
