Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
