News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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