i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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