Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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