So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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