my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
