coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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