Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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