I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
