meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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