You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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