No awkward lesbian experiences without me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
