i don't like sucking hair
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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