Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
