dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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