ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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