woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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