The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
