I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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