Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's rum buckets o'clock
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
