i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
