who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
