I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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