I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
