I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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