So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
