Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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