all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
