Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
