Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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