I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize