Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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