i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
