Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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