Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
