I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
