U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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