i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize