I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
